PLOT
When a tourist in Paris is abducted, her sister receives unlikely help from a fictional paperback character. They travel to a war-torn African country to rescue the girl and her friend from evil white slavers.
REVIEW
What a strange little movie. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit torn about this one. It is filled to the brim with tons of great ideas, but the execution leaves much to be desired. The acting is terrible and the plot riddled with inconsistencies, leaving the viewer with a frustrating mess.
Fair warning: there will be plenty of spoilers in this review.
With that said, let us start at the beginning, when two girls traveling through Europe are kidnapped in Paris, in broad daylight.
Two French thugs follow them to their hotel and wait outside, watching their window. If you’re wondering how they knew which window to watch, well, I have no idea. I asked myself the same question. And it gets better. A few moments later (and one wonders why they waited at all), they just break down the door to their room and grab them. Never mind that the girls are having a party and there are many other people in there with them. Who cares? They just rush in like elephants in a china shop. And if you’re wondering how they knew which room to break into... well, remind me to ask the writers if I ever meet them.
Some time after that, when the name of Jake Speed is first brought up, it’s by a grandfather rather than a kid, which I thought was a bit odd since the character is the hero of action-filled adventure novels. Granted, he’s supposed to be a 40s-style hero, so one could argue the grandfather used to read those books when he was a child. Except, by the end of the film, we know those books are still being written. And since Speed is a young and dashing fellow, it doesn’t really make sense that he’d have been around long enough for the grandfather to have known him in his youth.
When Jake and Margaret (the abductee’s sister) are stuck in the ruins of a building, their backs to a wall with rebel forces closing in, the hero has a brilliant idea. He turns and shoots at the wall... which blows up within seconds. Who would have thought shooting at a wall could destroy it so easily? Learn something new every day, I guess.
But that’s not all—of course it isn’t!
On the other side is Des waiting for them in his jeep. Now, I need to point out here that they’d lost sight of each other for a while. Margaret herself is startled when she sees him and asks: “How did he know where we’d be?” Jake’s deadpan answer is worth its weight in gold: “Cause we’d be dead if he didn’t.” Well, duh! Alright, I know it’s intended as a parody of comic-like pulp fiction, but that only works if it remains coherent throughout. The problem is half of the time nothing is explained, while the rest is treated in a very serious tone, very far away from the comic book vibe, so one is left confused, wondering what sense to make of it all.
Sid eventually captures Jake and Margaret. Sid, by the way, is the hero’s archenemy—who happens to be the leader of this particular white slaver ring. When we first meet the lunatic (convincingly played by John Hurt) he kills in cold blood one of his own men after the latter brings him a message. Why? Because the guy interrupted a transaction with some customers. This is a great way to show us how ruthless and psychotic the man is.
Now, when Jake and Margaret are captured by the madman’s goons, the hero tells the girl that they’ll be fine, that these guys won’t hurt them because Sid would want to take care of him in person. Since they are mortal enemies, this makes sense. But when they’re finally brought before the criminal, the two just chat for a moment, then Sid gives instructions to lock up the prisoners—he’ll take care of them later. Does that sound like the impulsive killer we saw earlier? And, I mean, if I were an evil mastermind and finally had in my grip the one man who kept thwarting me, I’m pretty sure I’d jump on the opportunity to get rid of him right away rather than keep him for later. But okay. Maybe he’s a twisted fellow who finds pleasure in torturing those who’ve long wronged him. That’s always an option, right?
Ten minutes later, Sid orders some of his men to go kill the prisoners in their cell.
What?
I don’t get it. He was supposed to do it himself. If not, why lock them up and not have them killed right away? Looks like logic took a wrong turn and flew right out the window.
Speaking of logic (or lack thereof)...
Though the story focuses on Maureen being kidnapped, she was in fact taken with a friend, and both of them ended up at Sid’s. After having Jake and Margaret locked up, the white slaver instructs his right-hand man to take the two abductees to the helicopter. The guy (who must not be very bright) decides he should carry them one by one—I mean, why the hell would he bother to call someone for help? That’s too complicated for his tiny brain. So he grabs one girl at random, who happens NOT to be Maureen (which is very convenient as we’ll soon find out). When Jake manages to free himself, he goes with Margaret to look for her sister... and finds her while Sid’s henchman is busy with the other girl (told ya!). They immediately run for the hills...
Now wait there one freaking minute! It sounds to me like we’ve forgotten one itsy-bitsy detail. Maureen’s best friend! The helicopter hasn’t taken off yet, but do they try to rescue her? Nope. Doesn’t even cross their mind. In fact, she’s never even mentioned again for the rest of the film. Granted, Jake and Des were hired to rescue Maureen, but you’d think they’d do the right thing and help her friend too. Not to mention, Maureen should be hysterical about her friend... Well, no. She doesn’t even shed a tear. Friends are a dime a dozen after all. She can always get a new BFF, no problem. She can just pick among those waiting in line at home. I bet they’re all eager to have such a great friend as her.
While no one can accuse this movie of copying Indiana Jones, the writers couldn’t help but include a pit. But look at that, it’s not a snake pit—though Jake does mention they might run into some of the slithering critters on the way, just to make sure viewers get the hint. Instead, this particular pit is filled with lions. Some of the beasts are busy eating the unlucky fellow who fell in just before our hero did. He hugs the walls to reach a window and, oddly enough, none of the lions seem to notice him—not even those who are not eating. Go figure. Oh, wait, look at that, they finally take notice... just as Jake pulls himself through the opening. I never saw that one coming. Heh.
While Jake is having fun in the pit, the girls are stuck on the landing of booby-trapped stairs. They turned into a ramp—which, incidentally, is how Jake fell into the pit (one of Sid’s wicked traps). To climb down, the two sisters improvise a rope made with their clothes. So they strip down to their underwear, run out (leaving the clothes behind), and meet up with Jake who picks them up with the jeep. Now, keep in mind, at this stage of the story, the girls have no luggage and so no spare clothes.
A few moments later, when they arrive at the airport, the girls are decent again, as if nothing had happened.
Ah, logic, such a tenuous commodity.
One aspect of the film that I found particularly grating was Jake’s ability to make people shrivel or flee just by staring at them. This happens several times, like in the bar scene at the beginning... or at the airport, where the security guards just let them pass without questions just because they are... what, intimidated? I mean, come on, Jake is rather thin and bland and looks more like some random dude you might cross in the street than, say, a James Bond—let alone a Schwarzenegger or a Stallone (or, for younger readers, a Vin Diesel or The Rock). Honestly, when he gives that look, I thought it felt more laughable than credible.
And let’s talk about that scene at the airport, shall we?
Sid is there and, when he spots Jake, he decides to use some innocent passerby as a human shield. When he threatens to kill his hostage, our hero looks outraged by such behavior...
Hang on there, cowboy! Ten minutes earlier you couldn’t care less about Maureen’s best friend, but now when a complete stranger is threatened, it makes you see red? And when Sid slits the man’s throat, Jake just loses it.
So by now you’re probably thinking, okay, this is terrible. But you know what’s even worse? The dialogues and the acting—if you can call that acting. The two leads are especially bad. Only John Hurt does a decent job—though one can only wonder how he ended up in this? Probably had some overdue bills to pay.
Okay, despite all that, I have to be fair and give this film some credit. As I mentioned at the start of the review, it has many great ideas. Starting with the premise of a pulp fiction hero who turns out to be real. Granted, it’s not anything new, but the concept hasn’t been used too often, so it still feels fresh. I would have liked the writers to dig a bit deeper, though—for instance, they could have told us more about Jake’s motivations.
Another thing I liked was how the characters (Margaret in particular) would sometimes point out the incongruities of a given situation—though not often enough. On the other hand, this could also hint at laziness on the writers’ part who, rather than do rewrites, opted to have someone laugh something off, crying out: “Well that doesn’t make sense! Haha!”
Other cool aspects of the film: Margaret getting very confused when asked to pose for the next book cover; the Sid character (despite being a touch archetypal); and an interesting setting that successfully shows in the background a country in turmoil, in an almost anecdotal way though it still has a major impact on the plot. I also enjoyed the non-linear structure, where the characters keep running into unexpected obstacles. I’ll grant you it’s not highly original, but it does show that the writers did not (at least not always) take the easy way out.
Another fun touch was hearing Jake’s voice, over a part of the end credits, reading his character’s adventures as published in the latest novel.
I mentioned how poor the dialogues were overall, but there were every once in a while some gems thrown in. Here are a few that stuck out.
JAKE: “If all this were about money, I’d be working for the wrong side most of the time.”
This simple little sentence carries a rather deep message that sadly still resonates today, considering how corrupt the world’s governments have become—perhaps more so in the United States, where money (donors) controls policies.
JAKE: “If you want something bad enough, you get it.”
This one’s more personal. It was very strange for me to hear this thought voiced by a character in a film, as it’s been my own belief for most of my life.
JAKE: “Why do you think bad things happen anyway? To have something good to look forward to.”
There is depth in this statement as well. Something to think about.
SID: “Hang it out, Jake, you’re old news! Now it’s terrorists, bombers, politicians, lawyers... People like me. Everybody’s living on somebody else.”
It is worth noting that these words were uttered fifteen years before 9/11 and the global rise of terrorism that followed (Al-Qaeda, ISIL, Boko Haram...). Chilling, isn’t it?
So lots of interesting things, and yet not enough to turn this into a good film. In the end, it doesn’t live up to its potential and leaves the viewer frustrated.
But what about you? Have you seen “Jake Speed”? What did you think of it?
And what is your favorite “bad film”?
Tell us in the comments.
TRIVIA NOTES
For his first credit, in 1971, Wayne Crawford played a criminal in the cult film “Sometimes Aunt Martha does dreadful things.” He appeared in many obscure movies, also directing some of them—such as “Barracuda” (inspired by the “Jaws” and “Piranha” hits), “The evil below,” and “Snake Island.” He also guest-starred in episodes of Hill Street blues and Cagney & Lacey.
With his partner Andrew Lane, Crawford was also a producer. Their most successful films in this capacity were “Valley girl” and “Night of the comet.”
The film’s third producer, William Fay, went on to work on big-budget films such as “Independence Day,” “Godzilla,” “Superman returns,” “300,” “The hangover,” the “Clash of the Titans” remake, “Jonah Hex,” and “Sucker Punch.”
Composer Mark Snow is best known for writing the famous theme to The X-Files. Before that, he had written scores for The rookies, Gemini man, Starsky & Hutch, Vega$, The Love Boat, Hart to Hart, and Dynasty. More recently, he worked on Smallville, the 2005 Kojak remake, Ghost whisperer, Blue bloods, and Ringer.
John Hurt is an acclaimed British actor who played in many memorable films—including “A man for all seasons” (his breakthrough role), “Midnight Express,” “The elephant man,” “Alien,” “Nineteen eighty-four,” “Rob Roy,” “Contact, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Skull,” and “Snowpiercer.” He also portrayed Garrick Ollivander in the “Harry Potter” franchise and appeared in both of Del Toro’s “Hellboy” films.
Perhaps best remembered for playing Cagney’s boyfriend in Cagney & Lacey, Barry Primus has been active as an actor since 1963. His screen credits include “Boxcar Bertha,” “Absence of malice,” “Down and out in Beverly Hills,” “Guilty by suspicion,” “Night and the city,” “Righteous kill,” “American hustle,” and “The Irishman.” He made his directorial debut in 1992 with the feature “Mistress,” and also directed episodes of Tribeca and V.I.P.
A familiar face to television fans, Monte Markham has guest starred in numerous shows. His credits include episodes of Mission: impossible, The F.B.I., The Virginian, Hawaii Five-O, The six million dollar man, The incredible Hulk, Hart to Hart, The fall guy, The Love Boat, The A-Team, Murder, she wrote, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Additionally, he was in the main cast of two shows (The second hundred years and The new Perry Mason where he played the famous lawyer) and had recurring roles in many others—including Dallas (the original), Melrose Place, and possibly the one he is best remembered for: Baywatch.
Millie Perkins launched her career with a bang when she starred as the title character in 1959’s “The diary of Anne Frank.” She went on to play in “Ride the whirlwind,” “The witch who came from the sea,” “At close range,” Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street,” and Brian Yuzna’s “Necronomicon.” On television, she had recurring roles in Knots Landing, the Elvis mini-series (as Presley’s mother), Any day now, and The young and the restless. She also guest starred in episodes of Wagon train and Murder, she wrote.
CREDITS
Directed by Andrew Lane.
Screenplay by Wayne Crawford & Andrew Lane.
Produced by Wayne Crawford, Andrew Lane & William Fay.
Music by Mark Snow.
Cinematography by Bryan Loftus.
Edited by Michael Ripps & Fred Stafford.
Starring Wayne Crawford as Jake Speed, Dennis Christopher as Desmond Floyd, Karen Kopins as Margaret Winston, John Hurt as Sid, Leon Ames as Pop Winston, Roy London as Maurice, Donna Pescow as Wendy, Barry Primus as Lawrence, Monte Markham as Mr. Winston, Millie Perkins as Mrs. Winston, Ian Yule as Bill Smith.
Produced by Crawford/Lane Productions / Balcor Film / Force 10 Productions.
Distributed by New World Pictures.
Released on May 30, 1986.
Running time: 105 minutes.
Genre: Adventure.
Poster artwork by Steven Chorney & Waite.
—
Share your thoughts in the comments! I would love to hear them.
If you enjoyed this review, please feel free to forward it to your friends or to share it on social media.
And don’t forget to like by clicking the little heart below this post ;)
Thanks for reading Screen Views! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
—
Text (c) 2024 by Alex S. Garcia.
Header image: screenshot of the film’s title card.
Film poster courtesy of IMP Awards.